And today I continue to cry
To cry for you
To cry for the world
Beaten down
Abandoned
Tormented
Suffering
Subjected to a cruel whim
You idly watch me
drown in the tears

You have been there
Seen me through
The worst of it.
And now
This brutal upheaval of hope
Has opened up almost healed scars.
Unbearable
Pain multiplied by shame
For being so needy and selfish

To interrupt your life
For even a minute
You have found your happiness
And tho’ I provoked
I dd so in a loving way
Mindful of the limitations.
What a waste of precious time
To worry about feelings
Present or absent; past or present
Of me for you, or you for me

In the end
None of it matters
Things are what they are
No matter how they appear to be.
But you mattered to me
I found such comfort and
Felt so reassured
When you were part of my day
Even for the briefest
Of fleeting moments
And so desolate and alone
When you are not.

I can’t ask you to understand
what I don’t understand myself
I do know that
Your caring was evident
To me your words were everything
My longing never rested
But now frozen in time
Deep in an alternative universe
What could have been
Will never be